Stops and Starts

This is kind of how my relationship is with God. There are times where I'm on fire, which usually corresponds with how well things are going in my life. Other times, I just stop. I stop praying, I stop listening to God, I don't read His word, I do nothing. I'm just here. Existing. I just go through life, day after day, doing the same things over and over again. My faith lacks, and I question. A lot.


I know I'm not alone. I'm not the only one who is like this. I don't like to be like this, but what is so odd is the fact that I'm always afraid to share this with anyone. I'm afraid of the judgment. I shouldn't be, because I am NOT alone. There are other people who are the same way, but I wouldn't know, I keep this to myself. I'm intimidated by those whose light for God shines so bright all of the time. Makes me feel like a 50-cent flashlight. It works quite well for like five minutes, never to work again.

I don't want to be a 50-cent flashlight. I want to be a lighthouse, sitting on a hill. God is smart (duh!); he realizes a lighthouse doesn't just magically work. You need instruments and other people to make it work. You need guidance, support, His word, His love, everything He has given to you in order you to keep shining, keep working, keep going. He doesn't want me to start and stop and start and stop and start and... you get the point.